


In The Middle

by dnai



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Timeline, Established Relationship, F/F, In The Middle - Dodie, JJ and Will never got together, Past Relationship(s), Songfic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-01
Updated: 2018-05-07
Packaged: 2019-04-30 12:10:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14496681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dnai/pseuds/dnai
Summary: A songfic of "In The Middle" by dodie. Set in season 12.JJ rediscovers a dress, some feelings, and a purse, not necessarily in that order.In which Emily is a wonderful girlfriend, time makes a mess of things, and Elle is back in everyone's lives after way too many years.





	1. Or shall I be the one to call?

_“Or shall I be the one to call? I haven’t seen him much at all.” – dodie_

 

When Emily came back to the BAU, JJ almost cried in happiness. She missed Hotch, and hoped he’d be able to leave witness protection soon, they all did, but Emily was here, and she was staying. How could JJ be upset about that? When Emily left for London, JJ had thought she was going to collapse. Different branches of government? Totally manageable. Different countries? Not so much. During the years after she returned as a profiler, she missed Emily so much it hurt. She couldn’t think about her while they were in the field, which was easier said than done, since JJ was doing the job that had once belonged to Emily. 

The first thing JJ after Emily’s first day back was knock on the Unit Chief’s office door (she still couldn’t get herself to make the mental switch between Hotch and Emily) and ask Emily to dinner. It had been so long since they’d been able to do anything together, let alone have a proper date. 

It was with a little bitterness that JJ thought of their relationship over those last few years. It wasn’t that they hadn’t tried – God, had they tried, but neither of them had much time to spare, what with two separate busy schedules and a time difference to contend with. She wasn’t angry with Emily, half of it was her fault anyway, but she was looking forward to sharing _one_ busy work schedule with her again. 

After confirming their plans with Emily, JJ headed home to search her closet for something to wear. She’d planned a nice dinner, and she didn’t want to go in work clothes, not for their first date in several years. To her relief, she found a dark blue dress in the back of her closet that was perfect, except for one small detail. 

In the ten years since she’d worn it, she’d only taken it out of the closet a handful of times. She slipped out of her work clothes and pulled the silky material over her head. For a moment, she let herself think about the last time she’d worn the dress. 

She and Elle had been together for less than a month when Randall Garner had shaken JJ and shattered Elle. In the last, desperate weeks of their relationship, they’d tried in vain to return to some kind of normal, to find the kind of gentleness that they’d once only been able to find with each other. 

While JJ slowly found a careful balance that left her feeling steady again, Elle had tried to put herself back together with the barrel of a gun, and only managed to break herself further. For one night, carefully balanced between Elle’s professional departure from the team and her personal departure from JJ, they were only Elle and JJ. Not the liaison and the profiler, not separated by protocol and office doors or hiding from the people most capable of ruining what they had. 

JJ knew she had a type. She hated to admit it to anyone, including herself, but she’d have to be blind to not see the similarities between Elle and Emily, and that girl in college with brown hair, bright eyes, a sharp wit and a hot temper. Seeing a pattern in her own attraction made her feel strange, since she so often heard “type” in reference to serial killers. It was a little disconcerting. 

Was a dress really all it took to send her into a spiral, thinking about the woman she hadn’t seen for ten years? She’d been in a committed relationship with someone else for almost ten years, so why was she thinking about Elle when they’d only dated for a few months, a decade ago? What was she doing?

She forced her attention back to the dress itself. It fit well, despite being ten years old, and it hadn’t faded at all during its ten year stay in JJ’s closet. It was perfect for tonight’s date. She looked in the closet one more time, hoping to find something just as perfect, but with fewer memories attached. No such luck, but she did find the matching purse. It had somehow survived the yearly purges of her closet, yet she hadn’t used it since she last wore the dress. 

It was small and rectangular, made of the same gentle material as the dress, and suspended from a delicate silver chain. She smoothed her dress and looped the chain over her bare shoulder. Elle was not going to invade this date. Emily deserved her full attention and she’d be damned if she was going to give her anything less. Within a few minutes, she’d transitioned her hair and makeup from “office” to “date” and she was ready to go. 

It wasn’t until she was already in the restaurant’s parking lot that she stopped to slip her wallet and keys into the purse. When she went to close it, the zipper caught on a small slip of paper, ten years old and long forgotten. 

_JJ –_  
I’m sure you can guess why I left the BAU, and I don’t know If you’ll ever be able to forgive me for that.  
If by some miracle you can, I don’t plan on changing my number. If I do for some reason, I’m sure Garcia can find me. – Elle 

With shaking hands, JJ slid the paper back into the purse, making sure it cleared the zipper before she closed it. This night was for her and Emily, not for anyone else, and certainly not for Elle. 

Elle couldn’t have known this would happen with her note. If JJ’d had to guess, she’d have said Elle expected her to find the note the night of the date. One thing JJ was certain of was that Elle couldn’t be predicted that JJ wouldn’t touch the purse for ten years, or that she’d finally use it on the night of a date with another woman. 

Elle’s number was still saved in her phone. 

But she wouldn’t call her, not tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I plan to write at least one more chapter of this. It might become a longer fic depending on where the idea takes me.  
> I hope you enjoy!


	2. You said you're into closure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A date, sleepy JJ, and some conversations

_“You said you’re into closure, shake hands like you’re supposed to.”_

JJ found Emily just outside the entrance to the restaurant, looking tired but excited. She allowed JJ to open the door for her, and as they were being led to their table, offered her arm to JJ, who took it. Neither woman wanted to sit next to window (both for privacy and BAU-paranoia-related reasons). JJ let Emily take the corner seat. She knew Emily wouldn’t let anything happen to her. Emily was clearly considering the same thing; JJ saw her hand move slightly closer to her purse. 

JJ relaxed a little. This was the same Emily she’d known for years. As long as it had been, JJ still felt like they fit together. Like it hadn’t been almost four years since they worked on the same team. Nothing felt different about this date except for JJ herself, and as the thought hit her, Elle’s note seemed to weigh her purse down. 

“JJ?” Emily asked, “Is everything all right?” 

“I’ve just missed you, Em.” 

“You’re sure that’s all?” 

JJ nodded. 

She should’ve known better than to try to convince a profiler that nothing was wrong. She couldn’t have fooled herself; how was she supposed to convince her girlfriend? She shook her head. Technically speaking, it wasn’t that difficult to say what was on her mind; it was a sentence, maybe two. In reality, it was much harder than that. The phrasing and intonation and body language and everything had to say the right things before JJ could convince herself to even try. 

“JJ. You know you can talk to me. What’s bothering you?”

She couldn’t force herself to speak. Without a word, she took Elle’s note out of her purse and slid it across the table. Emily took a moment to read it, then handed it back to her. 

“Elle. I remember that name.” 

“You replaced her on the team. Ten years ago. I haven’t spoken to her since.” 

“I take it you haven’t been holding onto this note for ten years if it has you so shaken up right now.” 

“I found it in the purse a couple hours ago.” 

“Do you miss her?” 

JJ had to consider for a moment. She had missed Elle. She’d missed her for years, but did she still miss her? The last few years, it had almost felt like she didn’t have any  
space to miss Elle anymore. It had been easy to focus on everything else. There weren’t many opportunities to sit and think about her feelings for Elle. Now that Emily was back, missing her wasn’t at the forefront of JJ’s mind anymore. Add to that the note and… 

“Yeah. I didn’t realize that.” 

“It’s been a long time.” 

“It has.” 

“Tell me about her.” 

“When she was here, she was so determined. We’d only been dating a couple months when she left the Bureau, but she took me out one more time before she left. I don’t even know where she went.” 

“Is that it? Determined and then she left? Come on, J, give me something to work with here!” 

“She’s a lot like you, actually. A little stubborn, but brilliant. She didn’t take anyone’s crap while she was here. Strong. A hell of a shot.” 

“Who knew?” Emily teased, “JJ has a type.” 

“I knew, trust me. _Please_ don’t ask me about the girl from college.” 

“Well, since you bring her up…” 

“No, Emily.” 

“So, are you gonna call her?” 

“What?” 

“Are you gonna call Elle?” 

“Yes? No? God, I don’t know. I don’t even know if she’d want to talk to me. I’m guessing she didn’t mean, ‘Call me in ten years’ when she left that for me.” 

“It’s all going to be fine, JJ. I promise.” 

By the time they left the restaurant, it was late, and JJ was exhausted. 

“Come on,” Emily whispered to her. “Do you want to just come home with me?” 

“But… my car?” JJ asked sleepily. 

“I’ll take care of it. Don’t worry.” 

JJ was asleep before they reached Emily’s apartment.

When Emily’s car was safely parked on the street outside her apartment, she lightly shook JJ’s shoulder. JJ woke up with a start and looked around, trying to figure out where she was. 

“We’re here,” Emily said softly. “Let’s go inside.” 

When they were both inside the apartment, and Emily had locked her front door behind them, she led JJ into a functional and modern living room, where JJ immediately collapsed into one of the chairs, which were very comfortable, especially for how sleek they looked. Emily smiled at her. She’d missed having JJ around. 

Clearly, JJ wasn’t up for talking. Emily didn’t really blame her. It had been an emotionally exhausting day for both of them. Emily sank into the chair opposite JJ and let her thoughts wander. Sleep didn’t come very easily to her in the best of times. Being worried about JJ and jetlagged at the same time made it almost impossible for Emily to even try for sleep, but she didn’t want to be a zombie when JJ woke up. 

JJ hadn’t hidden her worries well. It was one of the biggest red flags for Emily; when JJ needed to, she was more than capable of keeping things private. When she wanted help, it was hard for her to ask for it. They were similar in that way, which made it that much easier for Emily to figure out when something was off with her girlfriend. 

This note didn’t feel threatening to Emily. In her eyes, an ex-girlfriend was the least of her worries. She’d missed JJ like crazy while she was in England, and they weren’t back to normal yet. Emily didn’t know if there was even a normal to return to. Making their own normal was easily the most frightening thing about her relationship; she didn’t have time to worry about JJ’s ex. 

It felt like mere minutes before Emily could see the sun beginning to stream through the window. JJ stayed asleep, even as the morning light hit her closed eyes. Emily, on the other hand, was beginning to feel restless. She busied herself with putting together a simple breakfast with the small amount of food she’d picked up in the chaos of her return to D.C. Before she’d finished cooking, JJ appeared in the doorway of her kitchen, looking well-rested but still tired. 

“Good morning.” 

“Morning. Are you hungry?” 

“This looks great, Em. Thank you.” 

“It’s nice to be able to cook for you. Besides, I didn’t want to ambush you.”

“We do need to talk, don’t we?” 

“If it’s all right with you, I’d rather do it sooner.”

“I’m not going to call her if you aren’t okay with it.”

“I just don’t want you to drive yourself crazy wondering about her. I want you to be happy, J.” 

“Would you come with me to see her? If we decided to?” 

“Of course, if you wanted me to.” 

“I think I’m going to call her, then. I don’t want to do this without you.” 

“I’ll be here as long as you want me to be.” 

“I know it’s going to take some adjustments to get back to where we were. We’ve both been through a lot. But I want to do it with you. And I don’t want Elle to get between us.” 

“JJ, I trust you. And I’d much rather work through all of this with you than without you.”

**Author's Note:**

> I plan to write at least one more chapter of this. It might become a longer fic depending on where the idea takes me.  
> I hope you enjoy!


End file.
